The Poetic Villainy of Major Bludd
Not all toys are found in toy stores.
I wrote about how my dad bought my first G.I. Joe at KB Toys. He also used to tell me a story about his younger brother saving up for mail-away soldiers of his own back when they were kids (probably around the same age I was, when I went home with that first Snake Eyes).
Only, when the toy soldiers finally arrived (100 for $1.75!), they were immediately discovered to be… unsatisfying. These were not the anticipated standard “little green army men.” These were weird, flat, and hardly worth the money my uncle had dutifully saved.
He ran off crying, declaring them “crummy”.
A former staple of comic books, similar mail-away offers advertised everything from infamous sea monkeys building their own cities, to x-ray glasses that could look straight through walls—none of which ever did too much more than part hopeful kids from their money.1 Even the long-awaited decoder pin, ordered from The Little Orphan Annie radio show in 1983’s A Christmas Story, turned out to be junk. The only secret message it gave Ralphie to decode was for a “crummy commercial”.
A tough lesson, that the delta between what’s promised and what’s delivered could be quite vast. (I wrote about JJ Abrams unopened magic box, and how all “surprise bags” often fail to close the gap between anticipation and reality.)
And Along Came Mail-Away Action Figures
However!
When it came to mail-away action figures, you at least knew what to expect. If anything, the worst part was simply the 6-8 weeks waiting time.
(Which, I suppose, taught us another valuable lesson on the elasticity of time itself. How it does not pass equally—time can move much slower, such as when ticking away the minutes of Algebra class. And yet, it speeds up logarithmically the older one gets, with each passing birthday.)
Even Star Wars had to initially relay on mail-away “pre-orders” for their first line of action figures, which weren’t yet available in stores by Christmas 1977 (an issue which would not be repeated in subsequent years). Instead, shoppers had to contend with putting an “Early Bird Certificate” under the tree, with the promise of actual figures to be mailed out when ready.
G.I. Joe offered their own mail-away figures, supplemental to the Real American Hero line, starting with Cobra Commander in 1982. In theory, this was meant for collectors to get hold of a particular figure; that is, they couldn’t be sold out an unavailable in stores if you could just send away for the specific figure you wanted. And if the figure wasn’t available any other way, that also lent it an air of exclusivity (or at least, added collectability.2
The next mail-away figures came in 1983, with G.I. Joe’s Duke… and Cobra’s mechanical-armed mercenary, Major Bludd.
The Man with the Mechanical Arm
With the just first look of him, you know Major Bludd’s a classical villain. The eyepatch, the mustache, the snarl/sneer—Bludd resembles Snidely Whiplash, Boris Badenov mixed with Fearless Leader, or some modern version of Captain Hook.
Only, while Hook had a namesake hook for a hand, Major Bludd had an entire mechanical arm.
Or did he?
There still seems to be some uncertainly regarding Bludd’s arm, even among his original designers. In Creating G.I. Joe, Vol 1., notes from Ron Rudat indicate that Major Bludd’s arm was not in fact mechanical, but simply body armor to help protect him from the blast of his rocket-launching gun. However, over at 3D Joes, Hasbro’s Kirk Bozigian calls it cybernetic, replacing an arm Bludd probably lost in some battle.3
Oddly, it was the arm’s lack of articulation that also helped the figure stand out and added to Bludd’s intrigue.
Unlike with Flag Points (cut from G.I. figure/vehicle packaging, as the earlier point system needed for Cobra Commander), Major Bludd now required cutting the faces from 3 other G.I. Joe figures’ packaging. Why? Well, in one sense, it’s almost as if Bludd himself taking out these other figures in his role as mercenary.
In reality, it was more for kids to buy 3 more figures than they may have already had in order to send away for Bludd!
Marketing—the true ruthless mercenary…
A Villain’s Many Stripes
In terms of a character traits, let’s explore a few with Bludd:
Trophy Collector: Part of the villainous trope of hunters/killers who collect trophies from their victims. There’s Star Wars’ General Grievous collecting the lightsabers of fallen Jedi, Boba Fett who wore epaulet cords braided from dead Wookies, and of course Predator, who collected the skulls of only the worthiest adversaries.
Major Bludd, likewise, wears dog tags collected from defeated G.I. Joe team members. In the comics, he does kill General Flagg (as well as make attempts on both Baroness and Snake Eyes). But who might these other tags have been from?
Eccentric Quirks: “Sebastian” Bludd (from the Sydney Bludds) is noted for being a terrible poet, with his file card providing an especially egregious example. An odd detail perhaps, and certainly not necessary to know… but at the same time, it’s this kind of quirky, even counterintuitive detail that helps Bludd stand out (like his inarticulate arm).
Likewise, it may be fun to explore other seemingly innocent pursuits for villains (knitting, stamp collecting/philately, breeding show cats, etc.) as well as habits or superstitions (for example, not even the Kurgan from Highlander will risk fighting inside a church).
Conversely, what “dark” hobbies might a hero pursue (such as Detective "Billy" Rosewood’s eccentric weapon collecting in the Beverly Hills Cop series)?
Cyborg Parts: Here’s the trait we’ll specifically explore next time—the use of cybernetics. Since this is a fairly broad category, we’ll look at them more specifically in the context of their use with advanced weaponry. Major Bludd fired rockets straight from a hand-held launcher. His cybernetic arm now protects him from the blast…
…but who knows? He may have originally lost his arm (and even his eye) from firing off his first rockets while unprotected.
I would go through my dad’s old comic book collection for hours, kept in the bottom drawer of a massive metal file cabinet tower. He had great taste in comics—Batman over Superman, Donald Duck over Mickey Mouse. And I learned from his collection that anything written by Carl Barks is a guaranteed good story!
For the story on G.I. Joe Flag Points and the redemption of Cobra Commander, you can hear Hasbro’s Ron Rudat tell the story over at 3D Joes. From what they assumed to be a total redemption of 5k mail-away figures, they ended up sending out over 125k—from Jan through Mar 1983 alone!
The argument continues over at General Joes/JoeBattleLines.com. As noted there, later versions of Major Bludd did not include his cybernetic arm, lending credence to the “armored sleeve” theory. Pshaw, I say! Cybernetic all the way!
Hilarious. There are articles about those flat army men, sea monkeys, the 6’ submarine, and many other complete ripoffs. I skipped the GI part bc I’m old school Adventure Team. But I bet your stuff about the 3 3/4 Joes was excellent!